Day 26, The Misdirection Day

Flicking from gear to gear I hear…nothing. Precious has a new chain and it’s flawless in its movement. Silent. Smooth. Unmolested. I wonder how long it will last, the easy amble from cog to cog. No hesitation, no grind. How long until I panic on a hill and realize too late the gear is too big, the climb too angry, and begin my mash. Mash on down lower and apologize, apologize, always apologize to the bike. “Last time. Last time, I promise.” I hum along. The morning air fills my lungs with hope. This is going to be a long …

Day 24, The Ball of Suck Day

I suck at this. I am the worst. Most people, the more they do something the better they get at it. Not me. I slowly slide down the slippery sinkhole of gutwrenching suckage until you can barely make out the top of my head in the goo. I make a slight gurgling wet-lung sound as I go. The surface of the suck swamp ‘plops’ from time to time as I expel air. Yes, I believe it is official. I am the worst cyclist ever. Worse than that relative you know who can’t even ride a bike. Today is proving it. …

Day 23, The Where Eagles Dare Day

Rules of the Road. 1. Shade will always be on the opposite side of the road to you. 2. If you don’t see cars for miles, when you’re about to reach the crest of a steep hill, there will be a sudden rush-hour from all directions. 3. If an insect wants to bite you, it will do so at the worst possible time. Like when you’re sweating up a hill and can’t take your hands off the bars to swat it away. And then it will deliver a stinging pain to you as though injected on a hot, poisoned, acupuncture …